If you are aware
You will notice the change of the world around you
when your mind is clouded
with
death
You will notice
They love dissipating
and the disdain intergrating
you will notice the tone in your voice changing
and the hardness of your character
you will notice the state of your mind
reflected as your reality
did you want break the windows yesterday?
or is the choas in your mind yearning
yearning
yearning
to be acknowledged
is it
yearning
to be shown
and grown
and reflected
planted
thriving
in reality.
Friday, May 30, 2014
One of Those Days
Anxiety
This is something new for me
or maybe not
just recognizable now due to a new awareness
in my conciousness
you know
bouncing legs
turning stomachs
rage
hurt
the feeling or destroying
destroying everything before it destroys you
throbbing head
energy clogs the throat
darting eyes
wanting to die away
just for the day
I mean I just want it to end
How many fucking times
is this the evolution
This is something new for me
or maybe not
just recognizable now due to a new awareness
in my conciousness
you know
bouncing legs
turning stomachs
rage
hurt
the feeling or destroying
destroying everything before it destroys you
throbbing head
energy clogs the throat
darting eyes
wanting to die away
just for the day
I mean I just want it to end
How many fucking times
is this the evolution
Monday, May 26, 2014
I Am
Your eyes
They seriously look like the sky
Stop throwing the ball out the tub
Sit down
Sit down
I love you
This
IS
my Life
They seriously look like the sky
Stop throwing the ball out the tub
Sit down
Sit down
I love you
This
IS
my Life
Cope
I just want to talk to someone who takes in all my pain for me
and hold it so I don't have to feel it anymore.
I always say look inside yourself for joy
But what if your self doesn't want to be joyous
What if wallowing is the best way to survive
Coping Mechanisms
Say fuck you
to everyone
even yourself
and hold it so I don't have to feel it anymore.
I always say look inside yourself for joy
But what if your self doesn't want to be joyous
What if wallowing is the best way to survive
Coping Mechanisms
Say fuck you
to everyone
even yourself
I used to Say Fuck My Life
It begins like this
You are here
I guess here
But I'm not that's the probably between
the lines that I have drawn
I can choose to be oOk.
I want to say fuck you because I hate me and
I don't
The way that I feel
I am fucking with my own mind
I am creating a hell that I oh so miss
That I oh so adore
Excuses to be nasty and to release hell into the
minds of others
so I can eventually smile since it is all spewed.
skewed.
minconstrued.
my stomach hurts and I want to slit my wrists so I can forget it later.
But where is the light
LIGHT AND LOVE
the flow of infinity
that always is within me
patted down for this misery
I know that it is not meant to be
but for me -
this is where it has to be.
You are here
I guess here
But I'm not that's the probably between
the lines that I have drawn
I can choose to be oOk.
I want to say fuck you because I hate me and
I don't
The way that I feel
I am fucking with my own mind
I am creating a hell that I oh so miss
That I oh so adore
Excuses to be nasty and to release hell into the
minds of others
so I can eventually smile since it is all spewed.
skewed.
minconstrued.
my stomach hurts and I want to slit my wrists so I can forget it later.
But where is the light
LIGHT AND LOVE
the flow of infinity
that always is within me
patted down for this misery
I know that it is not meant to be
but for me -
this is where it has to be.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Queen
He really did.
"You don't know how to be worshipped my queen?"
He really did.
What is he doing.
I have to laugh,
because little does he know,
I will tear him apart.
Because he has not met,
A queen.
He has met a dictator.
who pretends to be a queen
and those who live in illusion
are an illusion.
It's such a basic idea.
"You don't know how to be worshipped my queen?"
He really did.
What is he doing.
I have to laugh,
because little does he know,
I will tear him apart.
Because he has not met,
A queen.
He has met a dictator.
who pretends to be a queen
and those who live in illusion
are an illusion.
It's such a basic idea.
You Cut Me Off
You hurt my feelings I really want you to know.
I understand.
I really want you to know,
but -
I never loved you.
I think you realized this.
We were fillers -
maybe
caught in an illusion.
but,
you were my friend.
I miss you now.
Becuase you were my friend.
I understand.
I really want you to know,
but -
I never loved you.
I think you realized this.
We were fillers -
maybe
caught in an illusion.
but,
you were my friend.
I miss you now.
Becuase you were my friend.
Another Love Story, Damn
I don't even know what to say.
I always want to be poetic but sometimes I try too hard
When I don't try
is when it's beautiful.
I guess life is like that too.
Be.
I saw you and you held me with your gaze,
as usual.
You asked me did I come near you -
I guess you noticed,
but I didn't.
I am detached,
In a good way.
This world - your world
is no longer mine.
I reside on another plane where everything is moving
switching
blinking
how could I notice,
such a trivial thing
as I am traveling through your being.
Without you knowing.
How could I notice a brush of the arm -
when I am disconnected from this plane
swaying in your ether.
or maybe not.
This is not a love story.
This is....
This is just not a love story..
Story's have endings.
I don't think energy can be destroyed.
That's the only way I exist with you.
Reco
I always want to be poetic but sometimes I try too hard
When I don't try
is when it's beautiful.
I guess life is like that too.
Be.
I saw you and you held me with your gaze,
as usual.
You asked me did I come near you -
I guess you noticed,
but I didn't.
I am detached,
In a good way.
This world - your world
is no longer mine.
I reside on another plane where everything is moving
switching
blinking
how could I notice,
such a trivial thing
as I am traveling through your being.
Without you knowing.
How could I notice a brush of the arm -
when I am disconnected from this plane
swaying in your ether.
or maybe not.
This is not a love story.
This is....
This is just not a love story..
Story's have endings.
I don't think energy can be destroyed.
That's the only way I exist with you.
Reco
Friday, May 23, 2014
Labels
I hate them. You know when you are in highschool and they label you -
fat, slut, pretty.
Labels man.
Words with associated perceptions, it's ridiculous. To use a word - to put someone in a box.
HOW CAN YOU PUT SOMEONE INTO A BOX?
STUPID, SMART.
Our ever expanding conciousness is limited to being percieved by whatever word is associated based on how outside conciousness or mirrored conciousness or the outside world - that energy that is placed in other bodies - perceives us.
I can't get with it.
STRAIGHT, GAY.
Men are so afraid of the word. Men are so afraid of the word.
UGLY.
Women, are so, afraid of this word.
All these labels.
I won't stop until we can flow as a collective human energy;
as is.
FREE.
Labels man.
Words with associated perceptions, it's ridiculous. To use a word - to put someone in a box.
HOW CAN YOU PUT SOMEONE INTO A BOX?
STUPID, SMART.
Our ever expanding conciousness is limited to being percieved by whatever word is associated based on how outside conciousness or mirrored conciousness or the outside world - that energy that is placed in other bodies - perceives us.
I can't get with it.
STRAIGHT, GAY.
Men are so afraid of the word. Men are so afraid of the word.
UGLY.
Women, are so, afraid of this word.
All these labels.
I won't stop until we can flow as a collective human energy;
as is.
FREE.
Something Important
I have been wanting to say this for a while.
I am my own religon.
Origin: 1150–1200; Middle English religioun (< Old French religion ) < Latin religiōn- (stem of religiō ) conscientiousness, piety, equivalent to relig ( āre ) to tie, fasten ( re- re- + ligāre to bind, tie; cf. ligament) + -iōn- -ion; cf. rely
Simplicity:
I am God because we are God and it is God and God is everything.
The energy that gives us spirit and life.
The energy that allows us to empathize,
THAT allows us to look into your lovers eyes and see the depths of the world and feel the sorrow of their story and the joy of their journey.
We are God -
Life is God.
Connection:
Affection:
Disruption:
Destruction:
We are God.
and YET (yes, I had to do it)
We Place The Blame on Something Other than Ourselves.
Can you not feel the connection, can you not feel the light running through your veins, don't you feel yourself beating your heart and pumping your blood and running your digestive system and feeding the plants with your breath.
You feed the plants with you breath.
I am my own religon.
Origin: 1150–1200; Middle English religioun (< Old French religion ) < Latin religiōn- (stem of religiō ) conscientiousness, piety, equivalent to relig ( āre ) to tie, fasten ( re- re- + ligāre to bind, tie; cf. ligament) + -iōn- -ion; cf. rely
Simplicity:
I am God because we are God and it is God and God is everything.
The energy that gives us spirit and life.
The energy that allows us to empathize,
THAT allows us to look into your lovers eyes and see the depths of the world and feel the sorrow of their story and the joy of their journey.
We are God -
Life is God.
Connection:
Affection:
Disruption:
Destruction:
We are God.
and YET (yes, I had to do it)
We Place The Blame on Something Other than Ourselves.
Can you not feel the connection, can you not feel the light running through your veins, don't you feel yourself beating your heart and pumping your blood and running your digestive system and feeding the plants with your breath.
You feed the plants with you breath.
Haunted in Nighttime
Haunting me like a spell like that fucking entity sitting on my shoulders. Causing sub concious cramps and aches from the dead - low vibrational energies that stem from that dead weight.
that kind of stomach turning I-Hope-This-Ends-Soon-I'm-Tired-of-Feeling-Like-This
"Am I going to puke?"
Shit. I'm tired of feeling like this.
I'm tired of trying to measure up and be liked. I'm tired of being the odd ball in the room and the one that just wants to fit in , the one that craves the attention - then runs away from the stares.
Fucking contradictions.
Labels.
So much easier just to be.
So much easier just to be,
me.
that kind of stomach turning I-Hope-This-Ends-Soon-I'm-Tired-of-Feeling-Like-This
"Am I going to puke?"
Shit. I'm tired of feeling like this.
I'm tired of trying to measure up and be liked. I'm tired of being the odd ball in the room and the one that just wants to fit in , the one that craves the attention - then runs away from the stares.
Fucking contradictions.
Labels.
So much easier just to be.
So much easier just to be,
me.
Hallucinations
I think these thoughts and its like
consuming.
Why do I feel so alone?
But I am adored by all.
The beauty isn't real though,
you were talking about baggage.
The notion that lingers in my mind - I think I'm better
I'm a better lover
Better at understanding, relating.
But the baggage.
Is that the baggage?
The self-esteem that is not full & complete
but full of self notions that dissolve without attention:
can't be in my own company,
listen to me own song.
Am I really that dope?
I hope.
consuming.
Why do I feel so alone?
But I am adored by all.
The beauty isn't real though,
you were talking about baggage.
The notion that lingers in my mind - I think I'm better
I'm a better lover
Better at understanding, relating.
But the baggage.
Is that the baggage?
The self-esteem that is not full & complete
but full of self notions that dissolve without attention:
can't be in my own company,
listen to me own song.
Am I really that dope?
I hope.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
I
I am not fancy with words.
I do not use a lot of analogys.
I am not witty or clever.
I am simple with words.
You know it needs to be said.
So I say it.
That's why,
we think it's so beautiful.
I do not use a lot of analogys.
I am not witty or clever.
I am simple with words.
You know it needs to be said.
So I say it.
That's why,
we think it's so beautiful.
For the Complicated Lovers
This thing.
You know when you pulled me away,
and I pushed forward.
I pushed you away and you
came closer.
We aren't together.
We aren't apart.
We aren't committed.
Your stomach turned when you found out what I did.
My heart broke when you found out what I did.
Yet
you're still here.
Yet,
I still care.
Even though,
I said,
you.
Even though,
I said,
You mean nothing to me.
Even though,
I didn't mean it.
Even though,
I didn't mean it.
Even though,
you're still here.
Yet,
are you really?
You know when you pulled me away,
and I pushed forward.
I pushed you away and you
came closer.
We aren't together.
We aren't apart.
We aren't committed.
Your stomach turned when you found out what I did.
My heart broke when you found out what I did.
Yet
you're still here.
Yet,
I still care.
Even though,
I said,
you.
Even though,
I said,
You mean nothing to me.
Even though,
I didn't mean it.
Even though,
I didn't mean it.
Even though,
you're still here.
Yet,
are you really?
God in Christianity
Stop giving him all the credit.
YOU CONQUORED THAT MOUNTAIN WITH YOUR INNER STRENGTH.
"Your decisions.
Your joy.
Your grief."
Look inwardly, not outwardly.
YOU CONQUORED THAT MOUNTAIN WITH YOUR INNER STRENGTH.
"Your decisions.
Your joy.
Your grief."
Look inwardly, not outwardly.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
My Mind of Anxiety
These are the thoughts that go through this womens mind.
Oh no.
Thank God.
OH no.
Hide.
Hide.
Hide.
Stay hidden.
Important people.
Oh no.
Thank God.
OH no.
Hide.
Hide.
Hide.
Stay hidden.
Important people.
Personal
I don't know why I am writing this. Maybe because my stomach hurts and I have a lot to say. So much to say that the words won't even touch my tounge. The words don't even exist. That's it. I'm going to make it. I am a writer with a small vocabulary and no will to write. But just because, I want it. I got it. Ya feel me?
Ether
Bare bodies without any thought
The body becomes an accessory when you are touching the ether.
I don't feel your hands anymore.
I can feel your light coming within me.
This makes me question////////
The body becomes an accessory when you are touching the ether.
I don't feel your hands anymore.
I can feel your light coming within me.
This makes me question////////
Sex with Many Men
"Women are not supposed to be simutaneously fucking multiple men."
because then you're a slut
I never wanted to be a slut.
So I spaced my men out.
This was OK.
Never 2 men same month.
Always, trying to, be, wifed.
This took away my power.
So when you left, I decided, to take my power back.
It's only a physical body and it's my physical body pressed against another physical body.
The energies won't pass because there will be none.
But there is vibration in everything.
Ignorance.
Years ago
I didn't know the difference between
intimacy vs sex
fucking vs making Love
body vs energy
Up until recently.
A love of my life anchored himself 2,325 miles away from me.
Shift.
Change.
Then came the decsion. I am going to branch out and explore myself and others
Sex with 3 people in one week.
Being 1. Intimacy
I can do this.
Being 2. Fucking
I don't know.
Being 3. Body, Intimacy, Fucking, EMOTION - ENERGY
This can't work.
Bacterial Vaginosis.
"Women are not supposed to be simutaneously fucking multiple men."
because your body knows.
That you are not supposed to be fucking multiple men.
because then you're a slut
I never wanted to be a slut.
So I spaced my men out.
This was OK.
Never 2 men same month.
Always, trying to, be, wifed.
This took away my power.
So when you left, I decided, to take my power back.
It's only a physical body and it's my physical body pressed against another physical body.
The energies won't pass because there will be none.
But there is vibration in everything.
Ignorance.
Years ago
I didn't know the difference between
intimacy vs sex
fucking vs making Love
body vs energy
Up until recently.
A love of my life anchored himself 2,325 miles away from me.
Shift.
Change.
Then came the decsion. I am going to branch out and explore myself and others
Sex with 3 people in one week.
Being 1. Intimacy
I can do this.
Being 2. Fucking
I don't know.
Being 3. Body, Intimacy, Fucking, EMOTION - ENERGY
This can't work.
Bacterial Vaginosis.
"Women are not supposed to be simutaneously fucking multiple men."
because your body knows.
That you are not supposed to be fucking multiple men.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Vinyasa
Vinyasa Yoga
Funny how the universe never fails to connect me to everything that I yearn to be connected to.
Vinyasa yoga: linking each yoga position or asana with a certain concious awareness of each asana.
Vinyasa life: linking each position in life with a certain concious awareness of each position.
Our conversation: "People these days do yoga..." The ocean like sound of breath flowing from his nostrils reminded me of the tranquil energy that would soon wrap my being. "...to experience an outcome... never knowing that yoga is not made to enjoy the outcome, yoga is made to enjoy yoga."
Doesn't this sound like the predicament of most of our lives?
Life isn't to enjoy the outcome of our experiences. Life is to enjoy the present moment, the beautiful tranquil conciousness of all of our experiences. The moment.
The now.
Funny how the universe never fails to connect me to everything that I yearn to be connected to.
Vinyasa yoga: linking each yoga position or asana with a certain concious awareness of each asana.
Vinyasa life: linking each position in life with a certain concious awareness of each position.
Our conversation: "People these days do yoga..." The ocean like sound of breath flowing from his nostrils reminded me of the tranquil energy that would soon wrap my being. "...to experience an outcome... never knowing that yoga is not made to enjoy the outcome, yoga is made to enjoy yoga."
Doesn't this sound like the predicament of most of our lives?
Life isn't to enjoy the outcome of our experiences. Life is to enjoy the present moment, the beautiful tranquil conciousness of all of our experiences. The moment.
The now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)