I was trying to write poetry but now it's turned into sort of a blog
I'll break it down like poetry
since it's
easier to read.
Anyways,
I am terrified
I don't know what is true anymore
am I as horrible as he makes me seem
because I feel like I am doing the best that I can
And apparently me doing the best that I can
is proving to you that I am not
AWESOME
and that
worries me
a lot
Am I really this
empty
and
unloving
selfish
person?
Because
I don't know what I will do
if I am, I mean I feel like that sometimes
but deep down I know I am worth something
and that I am able and capable and loving and
I have a lot of love to give but the problem is that
I can't forgive you.
I know I am dragging this on but
I think that's what it is I mean
that and other things like
your attitude towards things is so straight forward and crisp
your lack of playfullness, playfulness only comes out in bad situations and
what about your constant judging of me as a mother
a normal conversation between us -
What did he eat for dinner?
- broccoli, chicken nuggets and red potato fries
Good thing I left that chicken in the bag huh?
- no he had frozen chicken nuggets
Oh so he didn't eat well then
I give my son pure chicken breast only, organic, vitamen fortified chicken nuggets.
And this is how it goes
it's the same with his other children
"when she was living with me she didn't ----------- she wasn't -----------"
"ever since shes with her mother she ---------- and ------------- and her mother is putting all her own insecurities on her"
I know you can't forgive me either.
I lied, a lot. I broke down and broke you down, a lot.
I can forgive you for everything, except giving up on me when I was a child.
I can forgive you for everything, except for trying to constantly mold me.
I can forgive you for everything, except for not allowing me to grow with a father.
I tried to get past that, by trying to create something else.
This.
I tried to get past that by being a family in a different way.
This.
But all
This.
did was break us down even more and tear us apart.
We both wanted something that we were missing but instead now we have ended up with what we both wanted most in the beginning
each other.
